Thursday, July 28, 2016

finally............. back to work



wearing heels for the first time in almost a year....

going back to work after 4 months +....

with mixed feelings

nervous

worried

clumsy

numb

and

down

.
.
.
nervous about returning to work and whether i can cope with the workload

worried about all the projects and work i have to handle vs. being able to leave office in a decent time to see my boys

clumsy with everything in the office... from logging in to printing documents, from checking emails to sending emails...

numbness from wearing the heels (it wasn't a smart decision to break in new shoes when i have not been wearing heels for so long!)

and

down, of course, for not being to see my boys during the day...

.
.
.

looking back at the past 4 months +,
nothing exceptional or exciting...
just
there were routines and routines and routines...

feeding bbb, packing little bb's snack box, making sure he brought all the things needed for classes, waiting for little bb to be dismissed from his classes, getting the mini bus to go home with little bb, grocery shopping, taking little bb out, bathing bbb and with little bb, reading with them, cutting their nails, cuddling bob, little bb, brownie and sugar, cooking for them, putting them to sleep.....

again, these are nothing fancy 
but
they are the simple things that make me whole....

i am going to miss the quiet mornings when somotu and little bb have gone to work and summer camp, 
leaving bbb all to myself...  
we would cuddle up, do baby talk, do some exercise like tummy time, read books... after awhile, bbb would slowly doze off in my arms... then we would sleep together till he woke up again...

i am also going to miss waiting in line and picking up little bb from his summer classes, traveling on the mini-van and mtr..........

it wasn't easy in the office today, not because of the work,
but because of how much i miss my babies......

the thought of not being able to watch over bbb sleeping and picking up little bb sends tears to my eyes..






2 comments:

quitur said...

u are so fortunate to have someone to miss..
As a 37-year-old unmarried woman , from time to time, i can’t help pondering what ‘family/next-of-kin’ means for me in near/distant future.. yes, working mums constantly feel the tug-of-war between family chores and work. But when it is absent, life becomes scaringly bland...and unfulfilling..one cannot help thinking whom she can turn to in case of mishaps..

aileen ♥ motu said...

thank you for letting me look at it from a different angle.... it is easy to forget what we have already and focus on what we don't have... i'm sure u are not alone...