Monday, March 5, 2012

a simple life.... not quite

back in my high school years,
i watched movies every weekend.
usually two movies every weekend,
sometimes more.

then in university, 
i continued to watched movies every weekend.

when i returned to hk after graduation,
things changed and i slowly cut back on going to the movies.

i don't know why,
but for some reason, i have changed.
i found myself too easily affected by movies, especially sad ones.
a sad movie could bring me down for the whole day and sometimes beyond.

and it extends to other types of movies too.
like the ones with bad guys, i would get very uncomfortable and uneasy.

several times, i forced myself to accompany somotu to the movies
as he is a movie lover,
but i found myself closing my eyes on scenes where i couldn't stand.
slowly, i cut back and told somotu to watch movies with his friends instead.

but with this movie, a simple life,
i may be willing to go to the cinemas.
i am still struggling, for the obvious reasons,
it is going to be way too sad, touching, emotional for me.

i have been watching trailers, short documentary about the movie, 
behind the scenes interviews....

the scenes, the characters, the storyline are all too familiar to me.
i was reminded of my dearest grandma and dearest *yee por*

yee por was with my mother's side of the family since she was 16 yrs old.
almost her entire life was dedicated to the well being of the family.
she took care of one generation after another...
from my mother being a baby, to me and my brother being born, 
to my nieces and nephew...

for as long as i knew yee por,
she has short hair which was done in the exact same way as the nanny character played by deanie ip in this movie.
(i later learned from my mother that she has no choice but to cut short her long long hair because my mother and her brothers and sisters, i.e. my auntie and uncles, wouldn't stop pulling her ponytail).

she wore the same type of clothes in the same kind of color shades as the nanny character
(the only difference was that yee por never had a blazer like the character has in the movie.  yee por would wear thick chinese jackets instead.)

she laughed and waved us off exactly like the way the nanny does in the movie.

she did the cooking, household chores, grocery shopping in the market the same.

during her last years, yee por's back slightly bent forward and she walked like the nanny in the movie.

yee por is our family and in my eyes, she is my grandma's best friend.
they were about the same age...  they lived through life's ups and downs together.
sometimes my grandma would be a bit jealous of yee por because of how well the family treated her.
this echoes the way the mother of andy lau feels towards the nanny in the movie.

yee por lived with my grandmother until she became a bit weak and "resigned".
i remember my mother's family not willing to accept her "resignation" but being a woman with strong will, she slowly made her way through.
she then moved out to live by herself.
we would go visit her, chat with her, take her out for lunch and dinner.

i cannot describe in words how painful it was to see her turning weaker and weaker, becoming smaller and smaller, her eyes losing the radiance they once had.
i recall one time, i insisted on taking her out, which i knew was a denial on my part.
denial that she was too weak.
i insisted and decided to attempt to carry her on my back.
not only until i tried taking her on my back did i realize it was impossible......

during her last days in the hospital,
we went to see her, take care of her, chat with her after work.
i recall calling her, 
i recall combing her hair,
i recall cleaning her mouth after her meal
but with no response from her....
the same as the day she left us.

yee por and grandma are the greatest women i have ever known.
both are selfless and with an insurmountable unconditional love for the whole family.

they did not lead a simple life.
it requires the greatest heart to live the way they lived,
the greatest heart to bring love and warmth to those around them.

how fortunate for me to have them in my life,
how unfortunate to have to lose them one by one.

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