Saturday, May 7, 2011

may 7th

today, have to do two things for two of the most important persons in my life.
little bb and my grandma.


it's due date for little bb to get his 6 month's old immunization.
his reaction to the shots this round is the worst we have seen.
in the afternoon, he was well and in a very happy mood.  
at night time, he suddenly became very unsettled...  continued crying and wouldn't drink his milk.
he tried to sleep but couldn't....
poor little boy....   i wish there is something mama could do to make all this pain and unwell feeling go away immediately for you.


and a year ago, grandma left us.
grandma has been feeling unwell for quite some time last year, but i had always thought that she would be fine again and would happily await the arrival of little bb together with us.


i couldn't believe you just left us like that.
in my mind, i had pictures of you carrying little bb, passing on to me your baby tips....
we would be having family gatherings on saturday night at my mom's house,
sunday lunches....
i am sure you would spoil little bb.


i miss you so much
and wanted so so so incredibly much that you could meet little bb.


just a few more months, why couldn't you wait????


we came to see you at your resting place this morning.
every one was surprisingly calm, including mom.


you visited some of us in their dreams.
but how come you don't come to see me anymore?


i once heard some one saying that the memories of even one's fondest person fade over time.
this is the scariest thought.


it is still vivid in my mind of the moment when i held your cold hands to my face....
i don't think memories will fade,
but the tangible seem to fade a little.
this is a scary thought.

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