Saturday, February 26, 2011

back to reality

i just had my first week of returning to work.

after four months of dreamland, i finally have to wake up and return to reality.

the past four months went by so quickly that i feel like it was only yesterday i was lying in bed, waiting to be pushed to the delivery room.

i still remember how i was telling my managers that perhaps i wouldn't need four months of maternity leave as i would feel bored.  they insisted that i would need all four months and it might even be the case that it would not be enough. 

so glad that i took their advice.  four months went by too quickly.  i think i could have eternity and still not be enough.

if you ask me what have i done in the past four months, i don't think i can provide any concrete answers.  i can only say that each day spent with little bb is so filled with love and happiness.  no two days were the same.  each day, little bb would made little progress like moving his little hands, fingers, feet, making different sounds, smiling, turning his head.  i am so glad i was there to enjoy and witness those moments.

and i am so so glad that i made the decision to give that up so that i could have all four months with little bb.  there is nothing on earth that i would have given up in exchange for the time spent with little bb.

returning to work is truly a challenge, emotionally.  the night before my first day of work, tears almost came to my eyes when the thought of having to leave little bb for hours and hours came up. 

and there are so many worries too such as whether he will become less attached to me and more to our nanny......

.....  i have been told over and over again that things will turn out fine...  which i think they will....  but i just need some time to adjust my mind....

No comments: