Tuesday, July 21, 2009

double minded

the longer i am detained on the island,
the more double minded i become.

on some days,
i am positive about my decision.
that life is not just about work work work.
there are other things in life more important than work.
for one, family.
when work consumes the entire ME, there isn't any energy left for anything else.
and that the art is to strike a balance between work, life and family.

on some other days,
i am not so sure.
not so sure whether the decision to leave the island is a good one.

afterall,
it is generally a good island.
it is, from various perspectives, at the top of the league table.
while people are trying to get in, i am trying to leave....

and today is one of those days,
when i am just not so sure anymore...
is it a good decision or not?
will i make it on the new island?

then sometimes,
i think perhaps i should just leave all the islands altogether.
and just do nothing.
nothing but handicrafts.

oddly,
the other week, i was out for three days with acute gastritis.
i actually found it quite boring....
i actually missed *work*.....

....... sometimes i just don't know what i want.....
and sometimes i feel like i can't make any decisions.

hope i will have a clearer mind tomorrow.

8 comments:

Miss LK said...

Hi Aileen,

I share your sentiments. My day job is rigorous and stressful yet it also grants me a sense of fulfillment. There are times when it only sucks up my brain juice and leaves me a dull zombie. Strangely when I was on maternity leave, I could not wait to come back to work(my restless baby son contributed quite a bit, too)

Well, here is a proverb from Lao Tzu - when I let go of what I'm, I become what I could be :)

candlelite said...

i totally understand that feeling...i still think you should give yourself a chance. even with all the fun with the babies, i sometimes find it difficult to stay at home all day. i think we long for time, space and luxury that we don't have. once we have it, we complain. that's just part of life.

vanilla said...

aileen

i totally understand cos 2 months before, i left the island. when the time comes, you will know where you would like to stay as long as you feel happy.

all the best.

jenny

www.johnsonmak.com/vanilla

aileen :: motu said...

i am still puzzled and uncertain today... but i think i should give the new island a chance... i guess it's time to go for a change... and hope for the better (i won't even be greedy to hope for the *best*)....

betbet said...

Motu, I had a lunch with sabe few days ago and learnt what's happening with you.. a friend of mine also left the same island in the states... as she want to find a job which she can spend more time with kids...

it's difficult for you Not to feel uncertain as you have worked in this island for so long.. so relax and don't worry...

aileen :: motu said...

thx betbet... hope your friend will find an island that can let her have a life as well.... did you come out to central for lunch? we shall do lunch too! let me know your availability!

betbet said...

yes, I did, let's do lunch later....

my friend did and already had her 2nd baby girl.

aileen :: motu said...

ok!! let's do lunch!

is your friend still working?